So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
