my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
