The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
