highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
where are my eyebrows?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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