Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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