im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
