its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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