I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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