We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i've created a new STD.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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