he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i need some magic done to my vagina
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize