Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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