i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
