Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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