I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
