I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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