were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
