you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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