He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
