this beer tastes like vomit already
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
