don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
