She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i wish my penis had a tongue
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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