call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Panties = found
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
