why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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