i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
