if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
