ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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