My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Drunk is not a location!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
