I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
