Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
