God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i think i have two assholes
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
