He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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