Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize