I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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