Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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