if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
