mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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