our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
