Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
