he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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