"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He felt like a one man threesome
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
