I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
