She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
