I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
