I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm both gender and math confused
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize