Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
