I wish life had little blips of pornography
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
