I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
