Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
