I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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