marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
