grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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