I wanna passion pit in your ass
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
