is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm at about main and main street
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize