Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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