my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
