When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
