Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
