we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
