What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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