im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
