and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
