What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
