this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
