When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
