So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
