Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
