dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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